Ben was one of men interviewed for a major international research project seeking to uncover the reality about men who buy sex. The project spanned six countries, and of the customers we spoke to in London — where I was one of the researchers — most were surprisingly keen to discuss their experiences. The men didn't fall into obvious stereotypes. In the main they were presentable, polite, with average-to-good social skills. Many were husbands and boyfriends; just over half were either married or in a relationship with a woman.
Research published in found that the numbers of men who pay for sex had doubled in a decade. Another told me that he felt "disappointed — what a waste of money", "lonely still" and "guilty about my relationship with my wife". In fact, many of the men were a mass of contradictions. Despite finding their experiences "unfulfilling, empty, terrible", they continued to visit prostitutes. I interviewed 12 of the men, and found it a fascinating experience.
To a third person it looks like we're in love. I felt compassion for Alex. No one had shown him how to form a bond with another human being and he was searching for something that commercial sex was never going to provide. But another of the interviewees left me feeling concerned.
Darren was young, good-looking and bright; I asked him how often he thought the women he paid enjoyed the sex. If she enjoys it I would feel cheated. He seemed full of a festering, potentially explosive misogyny. But they still continued to visit them. More than half admitted that they either knew or believed that a majority of women in prostitution were lured, tricked or trafficked.
The behavior of male customers during their encounters with prostitutes also may suggest that they seek a social connection outside of coitus.
According to Kleiber's study, more than two thirds of devotees used the services of a particular prostitute more than 50 times. One in four had sex with the same prostitute more than times.
But why would a man turn to a prostitute—as opposed to a girlfriend, wife or other consensual female lover—to satisfy his need for a social bond? One reason may be that real relationships with women are risky and complicated, features that men do not always want and cannot always handle. Prostitutes are far less exacting than girlfriends and wives and may even be soothing to the psyche. That is, an ordinary female date might reject a man or happen to be tired, distant or not in the mood.
In contrast, sex workers generally accept their customers unconditionally and offer intimacy on demand, whatever their true feelings, says gender researcher Gunda Schumann, who co-authored a book on the psychology of prostitution. In this view, ordinary men buy sex to deal with their psychological insecurities as well as their sexual needs.
The idea that sex with a prostitute can be therapeutic dates back thousands of years. In the Epic of Gilgamesh , a poem from ancient Mesopotamia, Enkidu—a friend of the king who is half wild—is civilized by having sex with a whore.
The tale portrays the prostitute as sacred because she sacrifices herself to the man to cleanse him of destructive inner forces. Other researchers disagree that prostitutes serve as a balm for the woes of essentially normal men. These are men, she says, whose sexual desire is switched on by not having to care about the prostitute as a human being—the opposite of the intimacy hypothesis. Sex with a prostitute, she says, is more about seeking revenge on women or exerting control over them than about a quest for intimacy and romance.
Some sex purchasers may even have a social agenda to go along with their personal predilections. Only there can men reestablish the traditional male dominance over women. Catering to such men, brothels in countries where these institutions are legal hawk women like merchandise on their Web sites. Some clubs even offer happy-hour specials.
In the opinion of these dissenters, johns in the U. However toxic the activity might be to the men, the women often end up more seriously wounded by it. At the very least, prostitutes suffer psychologically from trying to wall off their own emotions so that they can sell intimacy as a commodity. In addition, they often suffer from physical abuse at the hands of their customers.
The annual report of KARO, an organization trying to thwart prostitution in the region dividing Germany and the Czech Republic, noted many incidents of brutality related to the selling of sex. Prostitutes in the U. Prostitution is not a profession women pursue because they like the work. Thus, many experts argue that the female sex workers are not the real drivers of prostitution. Instead the business survives because of demand from the legions of males who have problems in their relationships with women.
This rationale lies behind the law in Sweden that came into force in under which selling sex is legal but buying sex is not. The same notion also propels a growing crop of workshops and classes in the U. Can you see me wanting to book a year-old? If I wanted to have some conversation and connection and to feel like I was getting the attention I wanted, do you think a year-old would necessarily give me that kind of service? And getting men excited about bedroom action often has little to do with skimpy outfits out in public.
Gwyneth revealed she had written the guide to empower women thinking of entering the industry and to teach them how to survive. More and more reveal that they are disheartened, bitter, broken and financially struggling. They are desperate. November 11, pm Updated February 27, pm.
0コメント